Not too long ago I took a part time sales position at Best Buy. With my newly acquired bachelor's degree, I had hoped for something more impressive, or at least better paying; but I am told that that will come with time (and/or a better economy... yeah right). All things considered, though, it hasn't been a bad job thus far. The people I work with are all cool enough, and I already know a lot of what I'm doing, so it's not too stressful. Today seemed like a winner for odd customers, though. Here's an incomplete rundown:
- An elderly, smelly, and I think partially undead gentlemen stood by me and another customer I was helping, staring and opening and closing his mouth, making a gross, watery, smacking noise to get my attention. When I finally got around to helping him, he asked if I could get a printer for him. It was on the top of a shelf, and when I got ready to climb the rolling stairs to get it he said, with a grin on his face, "you're going up to see the Lord"...
- Why honesty may not always be the best policy:
Man: I want this laptop.
Me: Ok. Have you spoken with one of our associates to make sure it will do everything you need it to do?
Man: Will it do porn?
Me: It will do porn.
Man: I'll take it.
- Some people apparently think it's effective to talk trash about associates (aka me and Justin) in order to produce the answers they want. Examples include, but are not limited to: "so you don't really know anything about this do you", and "how long have you been working here?"... also, whispering and smirking to one's wife and casting condescending glances seems to be another common practice. I guess each employee is expected to be intimately familiar with each and every feature of each and every product...
- It is also an apparent strategy for large framed men to try and stair down not-so-large-framed sales associates (me again) in order to try and lower manufacturer determined prices completely out of said associate's jurisdiction. If that doesn't work, it could be followed up by walking away muttering, "that's fine, if you don't want our business"....
Seriously, why would I want to be anywhere else?
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Senioritis Cured?
Sorry for the long absence... this will be extremely random, but I had the sudden and irresistible urge to post, after months of silence. Anyway........
It has been said, and it has been my experience in the past, that the closer one gets to graduation, the more of a slacker he or she becomes. This unfortunate phenomenon is often referred to as Senioritis (at least in my world). While I have generally bought into this theory and more often than not have found it to be accurate, lately I've actually been feeling strangely motivated. Maybe it's a second wind ushered in by the sighting of the light at the end of this tunnel that has been my college years; maybe it's the realization that all this time and effort will matter very soon; or perhaps it's just a random, short-lived phase brought on by the weather that will soon fade (that last addition doesn't really seem likely to me, but I thought I needed a third). I do know that my momentary motivation has been brought on by way too much coffee that was consumed in hopes of getting through one very tedious OT project (which is completed, by the way... yup). Whatever the case, I have lately been motivated to a) start reading, which by the way is an aspiration I have not had post-high school, b) perfect my technical (and consequently career specific) abilities (which had become quite a chore of late, an issue of some concern to me) and c) become more awesome... again, my third is not anything fantastic, but I'm apparently OCD tonight and have an overwhelming need for threes. Despite all of these aspirations, I'm still way behind, everything is still piling up, and I still don't have a job lined up for after graduation. But for now, I'm not going to worry about that. I am instead going to ignore the rain and the time on the clock and go for a run (in order to work off the sudden energy and randomness that has been brought on by the aforementioned coffee). So goodnight all... go do some good!
-CM
It has been said, and it has been my experience in the past, that the closer one gets to graduation, the more of a slacker he or she becomes. This unfortunate phenomenon is often referred to as Senioritis (at least in my world). While I have generally bought into this theory and more often than not have found it to be accurate, lately I've actually been feeling strangely motivated. Maybe it's a second wind ushered in by the sighting of the light at the end of this tunnel that has been my college years; maybe it's the realization that all this time and effort will matter very soon; or perhaps it's just a random, short-lived phase brought on by the weather that will soon fade (that last addition doesn't really seem likely to me, but I thought I needed a third). I do know that my momentary motivation has been brought on by way too much coffee that was consumed in hopes of getting through one very tedious OT project (which is completed, by the way... yup). Whatever the case, I have lately been motivated to a) start reading, which by the way is an aspiration I have not had post-high school, b) perfect my technical (and consequently career specific) abilities (which had become quite a chore of late, an issue of some concern to me) and c) become more awesome... again, my third is not anything fantastic, but I'm apparently OCD tonight and have an overwhelming need for threes. Despite all of these aspirations, I'm still way behind, everything is still piling up, and I still don't have a job lined up for after graduation. But for now, I'm not going to worry about that. I am instead going to ignore the rain and the time on the clock and go for a run (in order to work off the sudden energy and randomness that has been brought on by the aforementioned coffee). So goodnight all... go do some good!
-CM
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sacred Vessels
In my devos today I came across the story of the writing on the wall. I had not read the story for some time, so I decided to do so. In the account, King Belshazzar is throwing a huge party with thousands of people. They are drinking wine, and the king instructs his servants to bring out the cups that had been stolen from Jerusalem. These cups had been used for sacred purposes in God’s temple, and now Belshazzar is using them to get drunk with his lords, wives, and concubines. On top of that, they proceed to praise other false Gods while drinking the wine. In the end, a jealous God carries out his justice and Belshazzar loses his kingdom and his life.
As I was reading the narrative, I saw some applications in my own life. As a Christian, I am a vessel of God. His spirit lives in me. I am his temple. I am intended to be used for his sacred purposes. Just as Belshazzar’s blasphemy angered God, so misuse of his vessels (Christians) today will anger him. When I say misuse, I don’t only mean blatant disregard of God’s commands, though that is clearly one side of it. I mean I am guilty of misusing Christianity. This is especially true when it comes to music. I love music. It helps me connect to God and worship, which is why it is such a powerful tool today. But as many Christians, I have been guilty of using music and worship as a way to make me feel good, to feel holy. It’s like we are trying to get drunk off God. Not that being intoxicated with the Holy Spirit is a bad thing, but we at times make it more about us than about God. Just because I am not blatantly blaspheming God to his face does not mean I am making him the center. My intention and prayer is that I might make God the center of my story, not me. When we “give our lives” to God, that is what is implied; a complete shift of focus from us to our savior. But many times this is not how it plays out. Too often it is about how God makes OUR life better. How He saved US. How He loved US. How He died for US. All these things are great, but the creator of the universe didn’t give his only son up to be tortured and killed simply so that we could feel good or have better lives or get more attention. When we turn our lives over to God, He expects to be the center of our stories. He wants our complete and total devotion. He wants our lives. He is the one in the spotlight now. His light shines on us only so we can reflect it to the world. And our whole lives should be wrapped up in this purpose; our jobs, our daily choices, our relationships, our worship, all of it. Otherwise, we are misusing his sacred vessels, and as we saw in Belshazzar’s case, God won’t put up with that forever.
As I was reading the narrative, I saw some applications in my own life. As a Christian, I am a vessel of God. His spirit lives in me. I am his temple. I am intended to be used for his sacred purposes. Just as Belshazzar’s blasphemy angered God, so misuse of his vessels (Christians) today will anger him. When I say misuse, I don’t only mean blatant disregard of God’s commands, though that is clearly one side of it. I mean I am guilty of misusing Christianity. This is especially true when it comes to music. I love music. It helps me connect to God and worship, which is why it is such a powerful tool today. But as many Christians, I have been guilty of using music and worship as a way to make me feel good, to feel holy. It’s like we are trying to get drunk off God. Not that being intoxicated with the Holy Spirit is a bad thing, but we at times make it more about us than about God. Just because I am not blatantly blaspheming God to his face does not mean I am making him the center. My intention and prayer is that I might make God the center of my story, not me. When we “give our lives” to God, that is what is implied; a complete shift of focus from us to our savior. But many times this is not how it plays out. Too often it is about how God makes OUR life better. How He saved US. How He loved US. How He died for US. All these things are great, but the creator of the universe didn’t give his only son up to be tortured and killed simply so that we could feel good or have better lives or get more attention. When we turn our lives over to God, He expects to be the center of our stories. He wants our complete and total devotion. He wants our lives. He is the one in the spotlight now. His light shines on us only so we can reflect it to the world. And our whole lives should be wrapped up in this purpose; our jobs, our daily choices, our relationships, our worship, all of it. Otherwise, we are misusing his sacred vessels, and as we saw in Belshazzar’s case, God won’t put up with that forever.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
"It has to be taking up space, right?"
So I suddenly find myself amazed at the story of the great flood back in Noah's day... It's been a torrential downpour here for the past two days, and all we have are big puddles and a soggy soccer field. How the heck did the big guy flood the entire planet for 40 days & nights??? That was one freaking huge puddle!!! Luckily that’s not going to happen again anytime soon, but you get the point… it is wet out.
So anyway, I was having a chat with a friend of mine the other day in the library on campus. We were talking about this, that and the other thing for a while. Then somehow we got on the topic of not staying mad about things we can’t change. Then she said something to the effect of, “If you’re thinking about that (things we can’t change), you are missing out on good thoughts that could be there instead”. I said I’d never heard it put that way before, and she said “it’s got to be taking up space, right?” Maybe the concept is a little silly, but there was something so simple, so childlike about the idea that made it stick in my head. When we’re focusing on the bad things we can’t change, we’re cheating ourselves out of the good. When we’re focusing on the problems surrounding us, we’re missing out on how we can overcome them. When we’re focusing on our short-comings, we’re blocking out the truth: that we are fearfully and wonderfully made by an awesome God who loves us way beyond our comprehension.
So anyway, I was having a chat with a friend of mine the other day in the library on campus. We were talking about this, that and the other thing for a while. Then somehow we got on the topic of not staying mad about things we can’t change. Then she said something to the effect of, “If you’re thinking about that (things we can’t change), you are missing out on good thoughts that could be there instead”. I said I’d never heard it put that way before, and she said “it’s got to be taking up space, right?” Maybe the concept is a little silly, but there was something so simple, so childlike about the idea that made it stick in my head. When we’re focusing on the bad things we can’t change, we’re cheating ourselves out of the good. When we’re focusing on the problems surrounding us, we’re missing out on how we can overcome them. When we’re focusing on our short-comings, we’re blocking out the truth: that we are fearfully and wonderfully made by an awesome God who loves us way beyond our comprehension.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Beautiful Uncertainty
I think more than anything else in my spiritual life, I struggle with trusting in times of uncertainty. No matter how many times I get things "figured out", I still inevitably find myself stumbling in the dark, wondering where on earth I'm going and why I'm not there yet. These times always pass and, a short while later, there comes a time of sweet rest, when I know I'm exactly where God wants me; and even though I may be surrounded by unanswered questions and dead ends, I'm content; I love those times. Sad to say, right now is not one of those times. I don't know if it's me, or my human nature, or both, but I seem to lack the ability to stay in that beautiful place of peace and rest. I am restless, and so I wander. I quickly get lost and have to relearn the lesson. God in his goodness somehow remains patient and is ready to pick me back up and point me in the right direction. Now, if I could just get that direction. It's in these times of uncertainty that I need to lift my head high and rejoice in the fact that it will come. I know it will. My father does not leave his children out to dry. He is my shepherd and I WILL NOT WANT. Sometimes there are green pastures and still waters, but he walks with me even when there are not. But they will come.
Lord, give me the patience to wait on you. Daily remind me that you can and will do all things in your perfect time. Give me the wisdom to move when the time of waiting is over. Help me to embrace the silence and the chaos with open arms, and trust you in both. Give me peace. Perfect, beautiful, divine peace that only you can give. Help me trust in you ALWAYS, for you do all things well.
For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day (2 Timothy 1:12b).
Lord, give me the patience to wait on you. Daily remind me that you can and will do all things in your perfect time. Give me the wisdom to move when the time of waiting is over. Help me to embrace the silence and the chaos with open arms, and trust you in both. Give me peace. Perfect, beautiful, divine peace that only you can give. Help me trust in you ALWAYS, for you do all things well.
For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day (2 Timothy 1:12b).
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I seem to lack the ability or motivation to post more than once or twice every three months, but when I blew the cobwebs off my blog and looked over some of my most recent posts (April/May), I realized I actually had a few comments, and yes, confirmation that at least three people read it from time to time. So, here I am, once again pounding out to the great unknown what ever happens to pop into my head.
Here's a quick rundown of the last 2 1/2 months: I went to Europe as planned in late May/early June. It was a great experience, and I'm now officially addicted to traveling. I returned home and started my intership in Lansing. It took me about a week to decide that commuting 45 minutes every day was very overrated, so, going on a referral from a friend, I moved to Lansing. That worked out great, except for the third or fourth day, when my house was broken into and my laptop stolen. With it went thousands of pictures (including those from Europe and Mexico), three years worth of school work, and some silly videos I filmed with my younger siblings. Despite many generous promises from my landlord to help restore/replace it, it's almost the end of summer, and I still remain without a laptop. Oh well, as the French would say, C'est la vie. Other highlights include three weddings I was a part of. I was an usher for both my cousin's wedding and my friend Jon's, and this past weekend I was the best man in my brother Seth's wedding. That last one was a bit more stressful, as I had to plan a bachelor party and write a best man speech, which by the way was a great success. Turns out I know how to make people laugh and cry at a wedding. Who knew? It was also probably the most fun and the most important, as Seth is my brother and all.
And that brings us up to date. In two days, I will relinquish my position as an intern at Auto-Owners Insurance and prepare to head back to school. It's been a good summer, but I'm ready to be back at school. My last year, holy cow!!! Anywho, I'm out for now, but I'll try and post something other than a history lesson fairly soon.
Here's a quick rundown of the last 2 1/2 months: I went to Europe as planned in late May/early June. It was a great experience, and I'm now officially addicted to traveling. I returned home and started my intership in Lansing. It took me about a week to decide that commuting 45 minutes every day was very overrated, so, going on a referral from a friend, I moved to Lansing. That worked out great, except for the third or fourth day, when my house was broken into and my laptop stolen. With it went thousands of pictures (including those from Europe and Mexico), three years worth of school work, and some silly videos I filmed with my younger siblings. Despite many generous promises from my landlord to help restore/replace it, it's almost the end of summer, and I still remain without a laptop. Oh well, as the French would say, C'est la vie. Other highlights include three weddings I was a part of. I was an usher for both my cousin's wedding and my friend Jon's, and this past weekend I was the best man in my brother Seth's wedding. That last one was a bit more stressful, as I had to plan a bachelor party and write a best man speech, which by the way was a great success. Turns out I know how to make people laugh and cry at a wedding. Who knew? It was also probably the most fun and the most important, as Seth is my brother and all.
And that brings us up to date. In two days, I will relinquish my position as an intern at Auto-Owners Insurance and prepare to head back to school. It's been a good summer, but I'm ready to be back at school. My last year, holy cow!!! Anywho, I'm out for now, but I'll try and post something other than a history lesson fairly soon.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Summertime
Yet another semester has come and gone. I don't know if I worked harder this semester or if it just felt like it because I did better academically than last, but I felt especially relieved walking down the halls of Whitman-Gibbs after my last final. I may or may not have begun flailing my arms about like a crazy person and emitting unintelligible sounds of glee. I'm glad to be done, but it has been a good semester and I'll miss the people I've grown close to this year. One more year (and a class or too) and I'll be a college graduate. Craziness. Even though the semester's done, the craziness isn't over quite yet. I'm kind of in the middle of unpacking before I repack for Europe. I'm going to Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and France for a cross-cultural class. As you can imagine, I'm excited about the whole thing, but I've got a lot to do yet for that and not much time to do it in. At 10 tomorrow I have an interview for an internship (hands and fingers crossed), I still have to get fitted for a tux for a friend's wedding, I have a presentation I have to research for, I need to finish unpacking a semester's worth of stuff, and I have to squish three weeks worth of stuff into a 21" suitcase. It's doable though. After I get back, I'll probably be living at home for the rest of the summer, which is something I haven't done in years. It'll be nice to be around though, a good chance to hang out with my friends before they all get married off. Marriage, geez, everybody's doing it. Buuut that's another topic.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Something About Mary
Me = sore. I ran/walked 25 miles yesterday and today for relay for life here at my school, and the fact that I'm out of shape is sadly evident. I actually have to limp at times :-) Dang it James, you and your stupid suggestions. It was fun though. After that I went to a retirement home for a class service project. First, we played "Let's Make a Deal". I was on a team with a women named Mary, who spent most of the time telling me I was good looking and assuring me that one day, I would meet a pretty, intelligent, nice and pretty girl. She proceeded to tell me that if she was 25 years younger, she would date me herself. That was special, but it made me smile considering she would still be in her late 40s. Sorry Mary, I'm not Ashton Kutcher. Also this week in the news, I got a job as a Peer Advisor! That means that in the fall I'll be a student leader helping mentor somewhere around 14 freshman. I'm pretty excited.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Wake up
I'm very bored lately with the mediocre, the superficial, the apathetic. I don't want to miss out. I want to be active, to get involved, to go deeper. To milk everyday for all it's worth. To wake up. Every moment is pregnant with possibility, and I want to explore it. I have the same schedule, week after week. I get comfortable, but do I grow? To some extent, I guess, but I want more. I want to take a more active role. I want to dig beneath the surface and unleash the potential of myself and my friendships. I want to explore my gifts and use them for good. I want to build up those around me. I want to justify all the time and money I'm investing into my life. And I don't want to be satisfied, to feel complete, to settle. I don't even know where all this is coming from. I just want to be a faithful servant with what I've got.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Happy New Year!
Here it is, the first post of 2008. Another year come and gone. They don't lie, time really does get faster as you get older. I can't imagine what a year's gonna feel like when I'm old and have kids and real responsibilities... That's despressing, so I'll move on. I can't complain too much about the past year. It's been a good one, all things considered. It's gone fast, but a lot has happened this year. Spring saw the conclusion of my first year at SAU. Despite the cost difference, the transfer from Baker has been worth it in pretty much every way possible. I've grown spiritually and academically in ways I don't think I ever would have before. And living around people I can relate to doesn't hurt either. I love the community there, and I've made some great friends.
Over the summer I got to live in my own house (with three other guys) and enjoy all the benefits and responsibilities that come along with that. It wasn't exaclty what I expected going in, but it was worth it. The town I lived in, Upland, was the type of place where everybody knows everbody, but that's about all they know. JK. It's about the closest thing to Mayberry I'll probably every experience. As the closest WalMart was 30 minutes away, shopping trips actually had to be planned. Weird.
This last semester has been by far my hardest semester yet academically. I was working more, taking harder classes, and to make life sweeter, I didn't get my textbooks 'til about a month into school because my loans didn't come through. That last bit was mostly my own fault, because I didn't take care of stuff when I should have. Ooops. It also almost ended up causing me to spend the semester at home, just working. Live and learn I guess. Here are some important lessons I've learned through it all, in no particular order:
Over the summer I got to live in my own house (with three other guys) and enjoy all the benefits and responsibilities that come along with that. It wasn't exaclty what I expected going in, but it was worth it. The town I lived in, Upland, was the type of place where everybody knows everbody, but that's about all they know. JK. It's about the closest thing to Mayberry I'll probably every experience. As the closest WalMart was 30 minutes away, shopping trips actually had to be planned. Weird.
This last semester has been by far my hardest semester yet academically. I was working more, taking harder classes, and to make life sweeter, I didn't get my textbooks 'til about a month into school because my loans didn't come through. That last bit was mostly my own fault, because I didn't take care of stuff when I should have. Ooops. It also almost ended up causing me to spend the semester at home, just working. Live and learn I guess. Here are some important lessons I've learned through it all, in no particular order:
- Coffee is your friend
- Why put off today what you could have done a week ago?
- Sleep is a luxury, not a requirement
- Because sleep is not always a reality (see no. 3) sanity is also optional.
- Time managment is a good idea (I don't always go for good ideas).
- Don't buy a planner for 2008 when it's September of 2007.
- Don't major in Computer Science unless you're a nerd.
- My car is poopy.
- I'm four.
- God is cool.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Looking back
Coming home for the holidays always brings back interesting memories from my past, good times and bad; who I was, what I've been through since, and where that leaves me now. It also reminds of the people of my past. It's always good to hang out with my close friends and reminisce about the good times of years long past. But there are also those reunions that do not bring back fond memories or happy feelings. They revive painful memories of that vulnerable, sheltered, naive boy I used to be. For a brief moment, I sense a bit of resentment or anger somewhere deep inside me. It reminds me that the past really does hang on the heels of the future, that I am still a human being fully capable of failure. But at the same time these memories remind me of how far I've come and encourage me to keep pushing forward. They are part of who I am. Without pain there is no growth, and without mistakes there is no learning. So here's to tomorrow's memories, good and bad, joy and struggle... I can't wait.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Dance with me.
Have you rested enough, my child?
I think so. What have you brought me here to do?
What do you think you should do?
Should I sing?
Not tonight. You do that enough already.
Should I pray?
Maybe a little, but I want to do most of the talking this time.
Should I dance.
Sure, go ahead, dance...
But wait, I'll look silly. No, no, I can't do that. Maybe I could-
YOU DANCE FOR THEM! Why can't you dance for me? You are more comfortable around them than me?
No, that's not what I meant... perhaps. It-, I-, um...
Hush... come dance with me.
I do not know how.
Then walk with me.
This way?
No. Not with them this time. Tonight it is just you and I.
Then where?
This way, to a place only you and I can be.
But so much good is happening right here.
Are you going to spend your whole life standing still? You say you want to hear me, so listen. Follow me.
Show me the way.
Here we are.
It's...beautiful. You made this just for me? When?
It's been here all along.
Why couldn't I see?
You were too busy looking to them.
Why have you brought me here?
To teach you to dance. Try.
I am so clumsy.
You will learn. Now take my hand... I will show you more of this place.
There is more?
Oh my child, don't you understand? we have barely scratched the surface.
Come. Come see what I have prepared for you. Come see what you've been missing out on. Come explore a place that will blow your mind. Come celebrate. Come... Come dance with me!
I think so. What have you brought me here to do?
What do you think you should do?
Should I sing?
Not tonight. You do that enough already.
Should I pray?
Maybe a little, but I want to do most of the talking this time.
Should I dance.
Sure, go ahead, dance...
But wait, I'll look silly. No, no, I can't do that. Maybe I could-
YOU DANCE FOR THEM! Why can't you dance for me? You are more comfortable around them than me?
No, that's not what I meant... perhaps. It-, I-, um...
Hush... come dance with me.
I do not know how.
Then walk with me.
This way?
No. Not with them this time. Tonight it is just you and I.
Then where?
This way, to a place only you and I can be.
But so much good is happening right here.
Are you going to spend your whole life standing still? You say you want to hear me, so listen. Follow me.
Show me the way.
Here we are.
It's...beautiful. You made this just for me? When?
It's been here all along.
Why couldn't I see?
You were too busy looking to them.
Why have you brought me here?
To teach you to dance. Try.
I am so clumsy.
You will learn. Now take my hand... I will show you more of this place.
There is more?
Oh my child, don't you understand? we have barely scratched the surface.
Come. Come see what I have prepared for you. Come see what you've been missing out on. Come explore a place that will blow your mind. Come celebrate. Come... Come dance with me!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Windy City
I spent this past weekend exploring Chicago with my Core 200 class. It was pretty sweet. I didn't know one city could be so diverse, and sadly, so segregated. We'd be driving in an almost all black community one minute, go under a bridge barely a block away, and find ourselves in the Mexican community, or Indian, or Latino, or China Town, then back in the black community again. It was sad to see how separated these people are from each other and from the wealthier parts of the city. We got to visit some of the churches in the different communities and talk to some of the Christians who lived in the rougher areas. Despite the conditions, they seemed surprisingly optimistic. We also visited several museums, got to see some sweet mural art, sampled about five different types of ethnic foods (along with Chicago style pizza), and got to hang out on the "Magnificent Mile" Saturday night. I confess it kind of made me want to move to a big city for a while. Anyway, I'm back at school now, enjoying the quiet, chill atmosphere here at Spring Arbor, and trying to catch up on some homework, so I should probably cut this short for now. God bless!
-cm
-cm
Friday, September 14, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
I just had one of the coolest, craziest, most powerful experiences I have ever had. All through last school year, I heard from different people about a weekly prayer meeting on campus called Consuming Fire. I made attempts to go before, but something always got in the way, so I never really got around to it. Last night, Chase Hammontree said he was going, so I decided to check it out. I had heard it was kind of different; people falling on the floor, speaking in tongues, healings, etc. and honestly, I was a bit skeptical about the whole thing. But I went anyway. I needed something fresh, so I figured I’d give it a try.
Right at first, it didn’t seem like anything too awfully special. They had some people playing music in the back, which I thought was a pretty cool set up, because it helped put the focus on God, not the musicians. I faded into the crowd and sang for a while, then prayed for a while, and began searching my heart. I found myself being overcome by feelings of inadequacy and failure. I prayed for help. I asked God to cleanse me of all my shortcomings that were getting in the way of what he was trying to do in me. I was in the midst of all this when it hit me; God gently saying, “Enough my child. I’ve already forgiven you. It’s already done. Paid for. It is finished.”
The thought of that comforted me, but it made me realize how much condemnation I’d allowed to build up inside and how I wasn’t truly, fully accepting God’s forgiveness. I sat down and began to ponder how to get over this. Somebody in the crowd, praying out loud, made the statement, paraphrased, that we as Christians do not have the right to beat ourselves up for our weaknesses. I knew this was true. It’s what God had already been saying to me. I was already forgiven. No, not perfect, but God was fully aware of my blemishes before he died for me. He’s not suprised by the fact that I’m human.
Around this time, the focus of the meeting kind of shifted, and a guy in the front invited anybody who needed prayer to go down. A small group of people started dancing and jumping around up front. At one point everybody started laughing hysterically apparently at nothing. It was a little different, but good to see. Ironically, this was right after one of the girls had prayed for God to send joy. I stayed in my seat to pray and think. Some people were praying over Chase, so I walked down to join them. After I was done, I introduced myself to a couple of the leaders. After exchanging names, one of them asked if I had anything I needed prayer for. I said that I did, and asked him, in so many words, to pray that I would be able to fully accept the love and forgiveness that was already given to me, not allow Satan to hold me down with my past failures.
One of the leaders anointed me with oil, which was a new experience for me, and then the two of them laid their hands on me and began to pray, among other things, that I would feel God’s love. I hadn’t explained very deeply to the guys what I was going through that night, but they seemed to pray for exactly what I needed. A few more people joined the group, and I think eventually five or six guys surrounded me. I suddenly felt humbled in the presence of God. My legs began to shake a little bit. I felt like I was going to weep, but not from sadness. I began to feel like never before that I was loved, that I was good enough for God, that nothing could separate me from his love. Not my failures, not Satan’s power, not anything this world could throw at me. My legs were shaking even more now. I’d heard about supernatural experiences like this, but I told myself I wasn’t going to fall over, that I’d be faking it or something.
Then one of the guys praying over me asked God to let his love fall heavy on me (or something to that effect). I was so overwhelmed by his love. Here I was, still so inadequate, but his love for me remained unchanged. I finally couldn’t stand any more. My legs went numb. I felt weightless almost, like I had no control over myself. I couldn’t really feel anything, except for the light touch of a few hands on my back lowering me to the ground. It felt so strange. I didn’t know what was happening. I still don’t fully comprehend it. I felt like laughing and crying. Part of me wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I don’t think I could of. Everybody was still sitting around me and praying. I must have had a pretty confused look on my face, because one of the guys praying made a joke about how I had no idea what was going on. I tried to see if I could get up, but it was all I could do to lift my head. I began to shake all over, but I wasn’t cold. I wasn’t even scared. I couldn’t stop. I was dumbfounded.
The guys left me there to hang out with God for a bit, one occasionally coming back to pray over me. My arms were crossed over my chest. I tried to lift them up, but they only fell open on the floor. I felt so exposed, so vulnerable. Then God spoke. Ok, not audibly, there was no overwhelming light in the sky, no earthquakes. But it all came rushing in, as if a giant dam had just broken loose: “Stop. Stop right there. Stop trying to move. Stop trying to use your own strength. Let me do my thing. Give in. Yes you fall short. You can’t even stand on your own two feet without my help, but you don’t have to, because you’re mine. I wont let you stand alone. I have so much I want to give you, if only you’ll let me. I love you more than you could ever know”.
I felt like an infant wrapped up in my father’s loving arms. I couldn’t stop smiling. I suddenly felt a freedom I hadn’t felt to that magnitude in quite some time. How had I allowed Satan to control this part of me for so long? I’m still trying to digest the whole thing. I didn’t have any visions or revelations or speak in tongues or anything, but God knew exactly what I needed. I prayed to be broken, but he took me gently, laid me down, and revealed a peace that I had concealed behind my worry and doubt. God’s gift is such a simple thing that I’ve heard about and believed in for most of my life, and last night God grabbed me, pulled me tight, and reassured me he’s still just as real and powerful as ever and he’s not letting me go. I am his child.
Right at first, it didn’t seem like anything too awfully special. They had some people playing music in the back, which I thought was a pretty cool set up, because it helped put the focus on God, not the musicians. I faded into the crowd and sang for a while, then prayed for a while, and began searching my heart. I found myself being overcome by feelings of inadequacy and failure. I prayed for help. I asked God to cleanse me of all my shortcomings that were getting in the way of what he was trying to do in me. I was in the midst of all this when it hit me; God gently saying, “Enough my child. I’ve already forgiven you. It’s already done. Paid for. It is finished.”
The thought of that comforted me, but it made me realize how much condemnation I’d allowed to build up inside and how I wasn’t truly, fully accepting God’s forgiveness. I sat down and began to ponder how to get over this. Somebody in the crowd, praying out loud, made the statement, paraphrased, that we as Christians do not have the right to beat ourselves up for our weaknesses. I knew this was true. It’s what God had already been saying to me. I was already forgiven. No, not perfect, but God was fully aware of my blemishes before he died for me. He’s not suprised by the fact that I’m human.
Around this time, the focus of the meeting kind of shifted, and a guy in the front invited anybody who needed prayer to go down. A small group of people started dancing and jumping around up front. At one point everybody started laughing hysterically apparently at nothing. It was a little different, but good to see. Ironically, this was right after one of the girls had prayed for God to send joy. I stayed in my seat to pray and think. Some people were praying over Chase, so I walked down to join them. After I was done, I introduced myself to a couple of the leaders. After exchanging names, one of them asked if I had anything I needed prayer for. I said that I did, and asked him, in so many words, to pray that I would be able to fully accept the love and forgiveness that was already given to me, not allow Satan to hold me down with my past failures.
One of the leaders anointed me with oil, which was a new experience for me, and then the two of them laid their hands on me and began to pray, among other things, that I would feel God’s love. I hadn’t explained very deeply to the guys what I was going through that night, but they seemed to pray for exactly what I needed. A few more people joined the group, and I think eventually five or six guys surrounded me. I suddenly felt humbled in the presence of God. My legs began to shake a little bit. I felt like I was going to weep, but not from sadness. I began to feel like never before that I was loved, that I was good enough for God, that nothing could separate me from his love. Not my failures, not Satan’s power, not anything this world could throw at me. My legs were shaking even more now. I’d heard about supernatural experiences like this, but I told myself I wasn’t going to fall over, that I’d be faking it or something.
Then one of the guys praying over me asked God to let his love fall heavy on me (or something to that effect). I was so overwhelmed by his love. Here I was, still so inadequate, but his love for me remained unchanged. I finally couldn’t stand any more. My legs went numb. I felt weightless almost, like I had no control over myself. I couldn’t really feel anything, except for the light touch of a few hands on my back lowering me to the ground. It felt so strange. I didn’t know what was happening. I still don’t fully comprehend it. I felt like laughing and crying. Part of me wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I don’t think I could of. Everybody was still sitting around me and praying. I must have had a pretty confused look on my face, because one of the guys praying made a joke about how I had no idea what was going on. I tried to see if I could get up, but it was all I could do to lift my head. I began to shake all over, but I wasn’t cold. I wasn’t even scared. I couldn’t stop. I was dumbfounded.
The guys left me there to hang out with God for a bit, one occasionally coming back to pray over me. My arms were crossed over my chest. I tried to lift them up, but they only fell open on the floor. I felt so exposed, so vulnerable. Then God spoke. Ok, not audibly, there was no overwhelming light in the sky, no earthquakes. But it all came rushing in, as if a giant dam had just broken loose: “Stop. Stop right there. Stop trying to move. Stop trying to use your own strength. Let me do my thing. Give in. Yes you fall short. You can’t even stand on your own two feet without my help, but you don’t have to, because you’re mine. I wont let you stand alone. I have so much I want to give you, if only you’ll let me. I love you more than you could ever know”.
I felt like an infant wrapped up in my father’s loving arms. I couldn’t stop smiling. I suddenly felt a freedom I hadn’t felt to that magnitude in quite some time. How had I allowed Satan to control this part of me for so long? I’m still trying to digest the whole thing. I didn’t have any visions or revelations or speak in tongues or anything, but God knew exactly what I needed. I prayed to be broken, but he took me gently, laid me down, and revealed a peace that I had concealed behind my worry and doubt. God’s gift is such a simple thing that I’ve heard about and believed in for most of my life, and last night God grabbed me, pulled me tight, and reassured me he’s still just as real and powerful as ever and he’s not letting me go. I am his child.
CM
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